I pastor a multicultural church. And, I love it. I love my church family. I love my church. But, this week, I came home to be with my family, and I had a revelation.
My niece said
on yesterday that she was never going to a “black church.” When she said it I was taken back. I was
shocked. I was hurt that she would judge her church experience solely on the color of the participants. But, I didn’t really have time to deal with it. I was on my way to
church. And, I was running late. As I sat there experiencing
the worship, it came to me. I was reminded why we must have Black churches. I was reminded why I need Black church. Church has
been a powerful and important part in the lives of Black people in this country
ever since the institution was “allowed” to exist on plantations. The church was the one place that slaves
could be truly free from “the gaze.” The
gaze is a term popularized by psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan. It refers to the anxious state that comes
with the awareness that one can be viewed. The psychological effect is that the
subject loses a degree of autonomy upon realizing that he or she is a visible
object. This was a constant state for the slave. Someone was always
watching. Someone was always looking.
They were constantly under the gaze of someone. But, then there was Sunday.
They were still slaves, but for that time in church they were not watched. They
were not gazed upon. They were free. Sure, they were still slaves. But for that
time in church they could be as loud as they wanted. They could sing of the
life that they wanted. They could dance and shout and do whatever they wanted.
And, no one criticized. No one judged them. They did not have to defend their
cries or their songs or their anything. It was church. And, it was a gaze free
zone. So, we run though the 60s and 70s
when again the church was a place that Black people used the gaze-free zone of
the church to be free. They organized political movements, free from the gaze
of the “other.” And it was still a safe
place for Black people to express the anguish and repressed anger that they
could not let out in their homes, or on their jobs.
So, as I sat there experiencing
worship, it was clear to me why the Black church was so important to Black
people. It is a gaze-free zone. It’s
safe to confess that you believe in something you cannot see. It is a safe place
to cry and shout. In the Black church,
you can boldly proclaim that Black lives matter, without worrying that you have
to explain it to your White friends. You
can respond to the call, and not have to explain why you just said “all the
time,” when the pastor said, “God is good.”
You don’t have to have a reason to cry. No one is judging your grammar,
or your life, or anything else. You
don’t have to defend your beliefs to your agnostic friends. You don’t have to
justify your beliefs to your non-believing friends. The only stank eye you get is from the lady
who thinks your skirt is too short, or your white is not “winter white.” So, why the Black church; because sometimes
you need to be free of the gaze. Why the
Black church? Because sometimes you just need to be.
This is just a quick note. I did not
spend a lot of time composing it. These are just my thoughts. This does not
mean I am racist, Jordan. And, the truth is that if you live a constant gaze-free
experience, you may not understand this post. And, I am ok with that. And, I
still love you.
